little yellow blog

So, I sent my mom chocolates with her Mother’s Day flowers and to my relief they are Russel Stover chocolates… I was kind of afraid they’d be florist-brand chocolates and instead of chocolates they’d be chalkalates and made out of ground up bits of chalk, leftover candlewax, and depression.

I’m spending Mother’s Day weekend with my mother, in fact. Joe-fiance-man and I drove home from our lofty Big City to come back to the low countree of our hometown to see our mothers. There’s something magnificently weird about my parents’ house, and one of my all-time favorite things to do is sleep with the windows open so that in the morning the sun is pouring in and a fresh morning breeze is wafting over me.

In unrelated related news, we’re having Chinese food for Mother’s Day dinner. My family is approximately German/Irish/English/quintessential Anglo-Saxons. So, Chinese food makes perfect sense. Right?

Yep. New job.

Woo hoo!

My water bottle just fell over, soaking the entire desk. This is not a sign of the best day ever. I think I should go fold some construction paper until today is over.

However I did think long and hard and came up with my top 5 Pink Floyd songs. It took some thought, as I like a lot of Pink Floyd’s stuff. But I did it. Can you?

This morning, I stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast. I haven’t had McDonald’s breakfast in for-ev-er. Well, probably closer to like 6 months. But still. I got the breakfast burrito meal because it’s like the foxtrot in my stomach. Mm. If I can liken food to dances I don’t know how to do, that means I must like it. Anyhow, my co-worker arrives and he too has brought breakfast burritos. It’s because great minds think alike. And then they eat McDonald’s breakfast.

Co-worker: “They didn’t give me any sauce. How could this day get any worse?”

Me: “You’re eating breakfast burritos. How could this day get any better?”

That’s me, always the optimist.

Fiance-man agrees, I need to become a rich and powerful internet force. So, I’m going to do that. It’s that easy, right?

Now fall in love with me and my blog and give me some money because you love me.

That was rude. I could never be so demanding of you. You’re wonderful for reading this. Please continue to do so. I won’t demand anymore. Maybe I’ll make you a peanut butter sandwich. I know how you like those.

Me (10:55:40 AM):     my attention span is that of a cockroach
Joe  (10:55:43 AM):     yeah
Me (10:55:51 AM):     i’m assuming they have miniscule attention spans

Me (10:55:54 AM):     i could be wrong
Me (10:55:59 AM):     they could be pros at attention

Joe (10:56:31 AM):     cockroaches are flighty
Me (10:56:51 AM):     they may be flighty but they could be paying really close attention while they’re doing it
Joe (10:57:13 AM):     true
Me (10:57:30 AM):     for all we know cockroaches could be the foremost authority on the subject of attention
Joe (10:57:55 AM):     we’ll never know
Joe (10:58:04 AM):     because we can’t pay attention long enough

It is my ambition, nay, my calling to become the foremost authority on cockroach attention spans on the internet. Help me achieve this by… doing whatever it is you internet pixies do. I’m going to go research and come back with some made up bullshit  very serious and profound findings.

You’d think that having been around computers practically my entire life would lend itself to understanding how the internets work. False. I have no idea how this tumblr-ma-jig works, and I either will figure it out as I go or continue to be a hopeless case. The latter is far more likely. I will start the day out with some dialogue.

Me (8:13:50 AM): mary and i are discussing loans
Joe (8:14:07 AM): oh?
Me (8:14:16 AM): and i told her that my spring/summer loans in ‘08 were disbursed twice, not just at the beginning of spring, but also at the beginning of summer
Joe (8:14:38 AM): were they supposed to be?
Me (8:14:40 AM): and then i tells her, i says, but i didn’t end up taking classes that summer so i just got $3000. and then i spent it. because, what would you do?
Me (8:15:02 AM): JOSEPH YOU NEED TO HEAR OUT MY WHOLE STORY BEFORE YOU TURN INTO INTERRUPTING IVAN
Joe (8:15:09 AM): k
Me (8:15:16 AM): that was the whole story
Me (8:15:19 AM): but still

Anyhow, that’s my fiance, and he never wants to hear what I have to say so he just interjects intermittently so it seems like he’s paying attention. He’s probably at home playing Halo or Bioshock or other man-games right now. Fuck. I want to be doing that.